


Balancing act.

by palmettomonsters (queentangerine)



Category: All For the Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-30
Updated: 2016-10-30
Packaged: 2018-08-28 01:38:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8425726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queentangerine/pseuds/palmettomonsters
Summary: In which Aaron wonders what graduation will mean for him and his brother with the terms of their promise no longer in play.





	

**Author's Note:**

> written for [alienthingornot](http://alienthingornot.tumblr.com) for the [aftgexchange](http://aftgexchange.tumblr.com) on tumblr

Barely a second after Aaron’s seatbelt fastened with a click, Andrew tore out of the parking lot and onto the street. The engine revved. Aaron had mixed feelings about Andrew’s car - though this one was better than the last - but he would miss that sound.

He glared into the rearview mirror, willing Andrew to glance up and catch his eye, but he didn’t, focus unyielding and forward. It described Andrew to a T, but currently so at the cost of safe driving.

“Why the rush?” Aaron asked, as Andrew sped past a white truck. He neither expected nor wanted an answer and Andrew graciously complied, but his eyes flickered to the mirror with vaguely annoyed acknowledgment.

From the passenger seat, Neil offered, “It’s an exercise in getting things over with,” because he still hadn’t learned how to keep his mouth shut.

“This is a special occasion,” Nicky said, heaving a sigh as he slumped down against the side door. “Can we stow the attitudes for one day? How about some smiles?”

Crickets.

“Okay, I knew that was pushing it. But can you blame me for trying?”

Yes. But none of them needed say that out loud.

Special occasion. Yeah, sure. College graduation. But Aaron was having trouble reaching the level of excitement that had had Nicky bouncing around the dorm that morning as he donned his suit. It was a page turned, somewhere in the middle of the book, a requirement for reaching the end. There was a system in place, and just because he’d started with a little less than nothing didn’t mean he had to be excessively proud over a basic achievement. That implied that the thing had once been out of reach.

“Fine,” Nicky grumbled, punching buttons on his phone. “Erik will be excited with me.”

Between the three of them they were allotted nine tickets for friends and family. Between the three of them they were using _three_ of those tickets. It should have been two. The third was a fluke. Andrew, stubborn as always, wasn’t walking; his diploma was in the mail. Aaron might have envied Andrew’s ability to wholeheartedly reject the norm, but he himself found it easier to cling to it.

Andrew, ticket number one, present only as their chauffeur and a reluctant bystander, only because Neil was coming, per Nicky’s impossible-to-turn-down ticket number two. Three was, of course, Erik, en route from the airport.

Friends, family, and sort of family. Andrew, being the only one on all sides of the coin, and only because he allowed it to be that way. They lacked bodies in all categories, but Aaron stopped caring, mostly, years ago. Harsh lighting had made it too hard to hide the bruising.

Family was… difficult to disentangle himself from even if he knew better, but at least he’d narrowed it down. Most of them, most of the time, were shit people. This was a sad fact of life that he hadn’t quite risen above himself, but it was the single thread left connecting them. Something like self-righteous disinterest.

Nicky was an anomaly. One is to be expected, but even Nicky had resigned the traditional definition of family, and that was why his parents weren’t worthy of tickets. _Doesn't have to mean blood_ , and the first time he'd said that to Aaron, it felt like someone telling him that their heart stopped beating while they held their breath.

The Maserati felt stifling; it came in waves when it came at all, loosing balance.

When they finally parked, Aaron let himself out and scanned the immediate area for Katelyn even though he knew she wasn’t there yet. In delayed, mocking response to Aaron’s earlier quip, Andrew took his sweet time in exiting the car, eventually slamming the door and lighting cigarettes for himself and Neil. The two of them leaned lazily against the hood and smoked, or whatever the hell it was that Neil did. There was time to kill, and it was better to wait it out in the parking lot than surrounded by the rest of the graduating seniors. Nicky ran off to check them in, and Aaron sent a text to Katelyn to let her know where they’d parked.

Andrew was watching him, but Aaron refused to watch him back.

Here was the thing: there was no _promise_ holding them together anymore. Despite the apathy, despite the insistence that he didn’t care, Andrew was there right now of his own free will. If there were strings it would have felt different, and even if the implication was that Neil had talked him into it, Aaron knew that he could only be talked so far.

In their first session with Betsy, Andrew had remained perfectly silent. Several sessions later, he expanded slightly with, “I have nothing to say to you.” Later, he spoke anyway. Andrew hadn’t left him yet, but per the original agreement, this was their last day. He wondered what would happen now that the phantom clock was in its final hours. But he didn’t think he would regret any of it no matter the outcome, because he couldn’t regret any decision that lead to Katelyn.

He checked his phone again. Nothing, but he looked up to see Nicky waltzing back with Erik in tow, both grinning ear to ear as Erik’s cab pulled away behind them. Semi-enthusiastic _hello_ s were exchanged by everyone except for Andrew.

“We’re getting dinner after this, right?” Nicky asked. “Something fancy for once?”

Andrew and Neil ignored him, but Neil muttered something to Andrew in Russian, with a single English word: _Colombia_. Because, of course, they had their own plans.

Aaron felt a twitch of something that, in a certain light, might be described as sympathy. He and Katelyn were getting married, they were going to live together, they were going to the same medical school. Aaron had something good to look forward to for the first time in a long time, but all Andrew and Neil had to look forward to was a year with quite a few miles between them.

Because he couldn’t just ignore him, Aaron looked at Nicky and shrugged. At Nicky’s pained expression, Erik struck up a new conversation to distract him. Later, Katelyn would extend an invitation to join them for dinner with her parents. Nicky could sweat until then, but he should know by now that Katelyn was the nice one, enough for both of them. It sounded like a bad thing, but he just meant that they balanced each other without threat of falling over. He just meant that Katelyn was the first time he understood what Nicky was trying to tell him about choosing family. He never had to try to make it work, it just did, all on its own.

The promise he had with Katelyn was _this, forever, no matter what_ , and it glowed in comparison to Andrew’s conditional five years. Even if he didn’t believe the latter anymore. It was not an exercise in getting things over with if neither of them let it go. It was a teeth-gritting, hate-inducing, blindingly-stubborn exercise in begrudgingly understanding that they weren’t that different. And how could it be that anyone had ever thought that they were.

He met Andrew’s eyes. They wore matching blank expressions that hid all kinds of sort-of-secret shit behind them. It wasn’t so hard to read anymore, though neither would outwardly admit it. For a long time, it kept them at an impasse. Armor that was exceedingly detrimental to a reconciliation but an asset to the everyday. At some point Aaron had started looking at it like fact instead of feeling: the outermost layer of the human skin consisted of twenty to thirty layers of dead cells that provided a barrier against environmental damage. The outside was dead and the inside was always something else, but it was impossible to see what without something breaking.

Brother. Mirror-image. That was easy enough. And all it took for something to break was a couple of traded murders. It wasn’t okay but it might be something like it, eventually.

This was just an exercise in letting things be what they were.

Andrew took a long drag of his cigarette and then flicked the ash from the end at Aaron. Before Aaron could decide between rolling his eyes or a heartfelt sneer, Andrew’s gaze darted over Aaron’s shoulder before settling back. Then he turned away and pulled Neil from his conversation with the others.

That was easy, too. He turned to see Katelyn striding across the parking lot with sure steps, her parents behind her. She jogged the last few steps and pulled him into a hug, and he felt himself relax. _Something to look forward to_ , he reminded himself.

Katelyn and her parents were all smiles and cheer, and it saved Nicky from having to force it on the rest of them, and to be honest, even Aaron felt a little lighter after a moment. Or that could have just been Katelyn’s hand in his. He wanted to be angry that Andrew didn’t even acknowledge her, but he’d take what he could get. They were standing ten feet apart and no one was dead.

Within minutes dinner plans were sorted and tickets were distributed their _time to kill_ had dwindled to almost nothing.

So this was it. Places to be and everyone started moving.

There was a good chance that Andrew wouldn’t stick around to say goodbye after the ceremony. There was a good chance that Aaron wouldn’t spare a glance in the rearview mirror, besides vaguely annoyed acknowledgment, once he was free of Palmetto State. Maybe there was a chance that the thread would still tug anyway, but there was no way of knowing what was on the other side of the finish line until they’d crossed it.

As Katelyn began to pull him away, Aaron sent one last look back at Andrew and said, “Let’s get this over with.”

He decided it didn’t mean anything that Andrew didn’t respond, because he usually didn’t. When he had first learned of Andrew’s existence, Aaron knew that he wanted a brother, and even after almost ten years of Andrew’s bullshit, he still did. Some things were worth salvaging.

**Author's Note:**

> [my tumblr](http://palmettomonsters.tumblr.com)


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